mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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