WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
