1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
