God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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