nut hugger
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
