Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
