You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
