sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
i need some magic done to my vagina
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
