He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
