I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
