she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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