she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
