id be glad to
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
it hurts more in the daytime
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
