if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I need to stop coming to work sober
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
