im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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