Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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