I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Even my vagina gasped.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
