You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
