Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
