she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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