Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
