and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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