Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
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