I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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