i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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