after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
