seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
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