and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Randomize