I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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