I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize
