i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know đ
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes âI drove you last nightâ\nâYou got your dick sucked in the back seatâ
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