your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
