omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
