Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize