I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize