Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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