i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Randomize
