I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
