Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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