you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
