just tell him i said nine months
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
