didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
