And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
