and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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