Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
