i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
