Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
