omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
