I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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