Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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