I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
