You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
