I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
