there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
