So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
