I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
BRING THE BAGELS
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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