I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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