The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
