well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
