Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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