The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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