We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
