Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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