you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
