Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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