I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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