just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
